Returning to Work after Loss

by Casey Kelahan, MSW

“How am I going to navigate returning to work after the death of my loved one?” In the adult groups that I have had the opportunity to facilitate here at Full Circle, this is one of the common topics of discussion. 

The truth is that everyone is different. Some folks find work to be a welcome reprieve, or time to ‘set grief down.’ Others, understandably, find it very challenging to navigate work after a loss (‘how can I bring myself to care about this when it doesn’t feel like it matters?,’ ‘everyone expects me to be the same,’ ‘people are acting like nothing happened’, ‘it feels like the world should have stopped but it just keeps going’). Many of us fall somewhere in between, and the ease of going to work will vary from day to day. 

Regardless of where you find yourself on this spectrum in this moment, this week, or this year, here are some tips for how to navigate being back at work after loss:

Familiarize yourself with your workplace’s bereavement leave policy, and use it. This might mean reaching out to HR or a supervisor for clarification. If you need to, lean on a friend to help write the email (or ChatGPT). Additionally, know that some states in the US (as of 2025, these include California, Illinois, Maryland, Oregon, and Washington) require employers to provide bereavement leave, depending on the size of the organization. 

Identify who needs to know vs. who you want to know. Generally, this will mean your supervisor and potentially HR. Once everyone who needs to know has been informed, it is then your choice whether to tell anyone else, and what details to share. This is not something that you need to know right now. Also, if you would like for your coworkers to be informed but don’t want to share the news yourself, you can delegate the task to a trusted co worker or supervisor.

Make use of any available accommodations that feel supportive. If your workplace allows you to work from home, would that better meet your needs and help you to feel more comfortable? Are there areas of your workload that can be shared or lightened for the time being? Does your workplace have an Employee Assistance Program? Is mental health counseling covered under your workplace insurance policy? Check in with HR and/or a trusted supervisor about supports that are available to you.

Have practiced responses to questions Again, what you want to share with coworkers is your choice! If and when people ask you about your absence, it’s okay to be upfront…

“It’s been a hard month- my [loved one] died/passed away… thank you for checking in on me.”

…or to be vague…

“We had a family emergency, thanks for checking in- I’m glad to be back.”

It’s also okay to redirect the conversation after either of these responses, or in direct response to questions! Do what you need to do to protect your privacy and wellbeing.

Identify workday lifelines

These can take many shapes, including:

• A person to text or call
• A favorite food to have on hand 
• Comfort items (such as a blanket, stress ball, fidget, or coloring book!)
• Comfort songs
• An identified safe space
• Grounding techniques
• A pet (especially if working from home!)

Create a list for yourself of these lifelines (on your phone, on your computer, or a piece of paper visibly posted somewhere in your workspace). If you start to feel overwhelmed, take a beat and pick something from the list to engage with.

Take your breaks

It’s easy to get caught up in tasks and workplace demands and forget to take breaks. We also have the tendency to put extra pressure on ourselves when we feel as though we aren’t performing as usual. All that being said, take advantage of your breaks during the day to do something restorative where possible. This might mean having a nourishing meal, taking a walk, connecting with a coworker, calling a friend, listening to a calming meditation to reset your nervous system, or laying down for a rest. Give your brain the break that it needs. 

Set realistic expectations 

You are still processing your grief, and there will be triggers. Also, both research and lived experience shows us that grief has a cognitive impact (executive functioning), so your ability to make decisions, prioritize, and complete tasks may be impacted. It’s possible that your best work right now won’t parallel your best work before your loss, and that’s okay. Give yourself grace. If it feels helpful, create an affirmation for yourself to use in frustrating moments (“I am doing my best,” “I am proud of myself for showing up,” “It is so brave of me to exist right now”). 

Prepare for days that carry meaning
If a birthday, holiday, or death anniversary is approaching, consider taking the day off if possible- especially if it is your first time experiencing the day after your loved one’s death. Consider using the day for restful or remembrance-focused activities. If you are unable to take the day off, lean on your workday lifelines list, and remember to give yourself grace.

Lean on your support system, and expand it as needed

This includes personal support, such as friends and family, as well as professional support, such as a therapist or support group. With friends and family, consider what it might look like to let them know that you are in need of extra support at this time. If you are in the Richmond, Virginia area, take a look at Full Circle’s support groups and individual counseling. If you aren’t, consider looking online for virtual grief resources or for grief counseling in your area. Also, if you are already seeing a therapist, it could be helpful to ask them if they know of any additional local resources that could be supportive to you.

Take action through advocacy
If your experience with bereavement leave has left you feeling frustrated, you are not alone. Some folks find it helpful to take part in advocacy at the policy level. If you are hoping to make changes in your own workplace, take a look at OptionB’s employee and HR toolkits. If you’d like to advocate for legislative change, you can get involved with a bereavement leave advocacy organization such as Evermore.

Regardless of which of these strategies you choose to use, continue to check in with yourself about what you need, and remind yourself that returning to work after a loss is often incredibly challenging. 

For more resources about moving through grief, take a look at our resource library, which includes other blogs and recorded Conversations About Grief with Full Circle’s grief professionals.