by Alana Harris, Graduate Clinical Intern
Grief is a deeply personal and challenging experience that affects everyone differently. Though it is something all of us will face at some point in our lives, grieving as a teen is uniquely challenging. According to Erik Erikson’s biopsychosocial model of human development, the teen years are marked by finding and developing one’s identity.
This stage in our teen years is especially important because it’s when we develop our sense of self that stays with us in some form for the rest of our lives. Our sense of self is built on our characteristics, beliefs, values, and our roles in the world. Discovering who we are and our place in the world can be difficult enough on its own. So, when the complex and painful task of grieving is added to this period, it can feel especially overwhelming.
The best way for an adult to support a grieving teen is by simply being present. In a poll of over 500 grieving teens and children, 33% said that their current guardian has found it hard to “talk to me about personal stuff” (National Alliance for Children’s Grief, 2012). Even without knowing the perfect thing to say, your presence can provide a safe space for your child to process the difficult feelings that come with grief. 55% of those polled also said that spending time with family was most helpful while grieving the death of a loved one.
Your teen may express anger, sadness, numbness, irritability, or a range of other feelings. All of these expressions of grief are normal, and teens need an adult in their lives to allow those feelings while offering genuine, nonjudgmental support. Allow your teen to speak when they’re ready, and respect their need for silence if they prefer not to talk.
Consult the Dougy Center’s Teen Bill of Rights to understand what a grieving teen may need during this time. However, look out for signs that your teen may need additional support. If you’re concerned about their behavior or mood following the loss of a loved one, consult a professional.
References:
Erikson’s Stages of Development
Full Circle Grief Center 
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