by Kerri Björkholm, Care Coordinator
Losing a loved one to suicide can be an incredibly painful and complex experience. It can stir up feelings of confusion, guilt, and intense sadness. Those grieving this type of loss may struggle with unique emotions and questions, making support from friends and family crucial. If you know someone going through this difficult time, here are a few ways to help them navigate their grief:
- Acknowledge Their Pain
Acknowledge the depth of their grief and validate their emotions without trying to minimize it. Statements like, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you” show empathy and open the door for them to express themselves. Avoid offering quick fixes or explanations, as this can often come across as dismissive.
- Recognize the Guilt and Offer Reassurance
It is common for people grieving a suicide loss to feel guilty, questioning what they could have done differently or blaming themselves for not seeing the signs. Gently remind them that suicide is a complex issue, often linked to mental health challenges, and that they are not to blame. Help them understand that they did the best they could with the information and resources available at the time. Avoid statements like “You couldn’t have known” too quickly…let them express their guilt, then gently offer reassurance.
- Encourage Self-Compassion
Gently guide them to practice kindness toward themselves, even when feelings of self-blame arise. You can remind them that they are not responsible for the actions of another person, no matter how hard it is to reconcile that fact. Help them reframe those feelings by focusing on the love they gave and the efforts they made to support their loved one.
- Offer a Safe Space to Talk
Being a compassionate listener can provide immense comfort. Let them share their feelings, including guilt, anger, and confusion, without judgment. Grieving can be complicated, and the person may need to process these emotions over time. Listening and affirming their experiences can help ease their feeling isolated.
- Encourage Professional Support
Suggesting professional counseling or support groups can provide a helpful outlet. A therapist with experience in suicide loss can help them unpack feelings of guilt and guide them through their unique grief journey. Group therapy for suicide survivors can also help them connect with others who understand their experience, providing comfort in shared healing. - Be Present, Not Just Available
Grief can last a long time and ebb and flow. Don’t wait for the person to reach out to you—check in often and let them know you are there. Sometimes, just sitting together in silence or offering a comforting gesture, like a hug or a cup of tea, can mean a lot. For someone feeling guilty, simply knowing they’re not alone can be a profound relief.
- Avoid Blame or Judgment
It’s important not to add to their feelings of guilt by making them feel responsible or blaming them for the situation. Refrain from saying things like, “They were being selfish” or “You should’ve seen the signs.” Instead, focus on offering support and care, letting them know that the complexities of suicide are far beyond their control.
- Help Them Honor Their Loved One’s Memory
Focusing on positive memories and the love they shared with the deceased can help ease feelings of guilt. Encourage them to create a ritual or memorial that celebrates their loved one’s life—whether through a letter, a memory box, or a small gathering with others who were close to the person. Helping them find ways to honor the life lost can remind them that their efforts were meaningful, even if the situation ended tragically.
In times of loss, especially one as tragic and complex as suicide, patience, compassion, and a nonjudgmental attitude are key. Grieving may never look the same for everyone, but showing that you are there through all stages of their healing process can provide essential comfort.
Full Circle Grief Center 