Myths About Grief Counseling

by Shannon Deneen, MSW

Grief is the most universal experience of the human condition, and it’s also one of the most misunderstood. Below are some commonly held misconceptions about grief counseling.

Myths About Grief Counseling:

1. Grief counseling is only for the recently bereaved. Grief counseling is not exclusively for losses that have occurred in the last couple weeks or months. Grief doesn’t abide by a linear timeline, and it exists even years after we experience a loss. It doesn’t grow smaller with time, rather life grows bigger around it. The loss may not have been fully processed, or a recent life transition may have awoken the grief. In fact, sometimes it resurfaces when we least expect it. Whether you lost a loved one a week ago, six months ago, or five years ago, your grief is real. Grief counseling is not about when the loss happened – it’s about how it’s living with you in the present.
2. Grief therapists fix the pain of grief and help you ‘move on’ from the loss. It is impossible to erase someone’s grief. Grief counseling isn’t about moving on or rushing the healing process, it’s about moving forward by staying connected to our loved one and honoring their life. The role of a therapist is not to fix people and solve their challenges; their role is to sit with you and help you carry the sadness, the anger, the numbness. Therapists alleviate some of those heavy emotions that weigh us down, and it’s a reminder that we aren’t alone in our pain. We walk alongside you to understand your unique grief experience, normalize emotions that surface (even the scary ones), and build a toolbox of coping mechanisms. Come as you are, and we’ll meet you where you are. 
3. The environment of a grief counseling center is depressing. You may imagine a grief center as a heavy, dark place filled with sadness. And while tears are welcome, so are creativity, humor, hope, and celebration. We honor both pain and resilience, holding space for both at the same time. The therapists, volunteers, and staff cultivate an atmosphere of compassion and welcoming. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary to hear our Care Coordinator Kerri’s laughter in the hallways or see one of our therapists, Susan, giving a warm hug.

What to Expect During Grief Counseling:

1. Grief counseling is a safe place to share your story. At the heart of therapy is the opportunity to tell your story without being met with judgement or interruption. You are the expert of your grief. 
2. Sessions aren’t just for talking. While reflection and storytelling is valuable, so is the practice of creative expression. Grief counseling incorporates art, journaling, music, poetry, any medium that speaks to you. Sometimes it can feel impossible to put words to the complex emotions we feel, and creative expression provides a nonverbal outlet to process memories, memorialize our loved ones, and make meaning.
3. Grief shows up differently for the people around us. We seldom experience grief in isolation. As we process our own grief, we often have to navigate the responses from family members, friends, or our children, whose ways of grieving may not (and oftentimes do not) mirror our own. Grief counseling offers guidance on communicating our needs, setting and maintaining boundaries, and responding with compassion for both ourselves and others. 
4. A personalized approach to healing. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and counseling reflects that truth. Sessions are shaped around you and your unique needs. We honor your sense of self and individuality.
5. Grief counseling isn’t just about reflection; it’s also about looking to the future. This forward-looking work isn’t about leaving grief behind – it’s about rediscovering a sense of purpose and setting both long-term and short-term goals to find a balance between remembering and forging ahead.