By Laura McDonald, LCSW
What if the worst thing that ever happened to you… brought you some good? If this feels like a sentence too outrageous to even contemplate, then let it go. After all, nothing can change a crushing blow like the loss of a loved one, especially if that loss was tragically sudden, a worst case scenario of so many sleepless nights and stress filled days, a loss that you couldn’t control, you couldn’t stop, you couldn’t breathe life back into your loved one, your baby, your spouse, your parent, your friend.
A traumatic loss shakes your very foundation, your world tilts in a sickening and grotesque way. Your wound is deep, your pain may be disenfranchised by societal judgement, your heart fills with guilt and shame, your spirit staggers with grief and loss. And you need so much love and strength and support and time and tears and more time, but despite all this, you know your life will never be the same. And you are so right, it will not.
But what if something transformative were to happen to you along the way? What if you, like so many others, experience what is now known as post traumatic growth? What is it, and how do we get it? Let’s take a look.
Introduced in 1996 by Richard Tedeschi, PhD., and Lawrence Calhoun, PhD, post traumatic growth was noted in people who had experienced traumatic encounters and yet reported positive changes in themselves afterwards. These changes were not reported in those who hadn’t lived through anything extraordinary. A followup research and meta study in 2018 found that 53% of people who experienced significant trauma are likely to achieve post traumatic growth, with women and people under 60 showing the most gains.
Post traumatic growth is a positive transformation that can be broken down into the following areas of development:
- Appreciation of life – Trauma can cause us to be fearful, of our life, our safety, our well-being, causing the world to no longer look or feel the same. With PTG, you may find appreciation in new and simple things you previously had not noticed.
- Personal strength – After your trauma, you may realize that you actually handled the situation pretty well. You may see that you showed courage, strength and resilience in the face of great disaster, leaving you with a greater sense of confidence for future events.
- Relationships with others – During tragedy, new and powerful bonds may be formed in the support you receive and give to those around you. Often these relationships become meaningful connections in your life after your loss.
- New life possibilities – Trauma and loss can often impact your environment in a myriad of ways, from work to lifestyle to living situations to roles you have lived. Over time, you begin to learn how to adapt and innovate as you form your new reality.
- Spiritual growth – Trauma can strike to the very core of our beliefs and values, re-arranging the world as we know it. Post traumatic growth can create new meanings of life and your purpose in the world.
So, how do we get to achieve these things for ourselves? Post Traumatic Growth Theory suggests that many people arrive at this transformational place without any specific support or interventions. However, the theory provides some specific steps that can guide you along the path of growth.
- Education – A traumatic experience can cause you to feel lost, overwhelmed and very confused about your future. Slowly taking steps to develop new thought processes and learn new coping strategies helps you arrive at a new life station.
- Emotional regulation – Traumatic loss brings a fury of negative emotions, fear, bitterness, guilt, despair, all of which need to be experienced and discharged. Exercise, meditation, relaxation techniques can all be a part of managing these emotions and allowing the mind and body to rest and heal.
- Disclosure – Talking about the trauma you have survived and how it has affected you is very important to finding a way to reflect upon what has occurred and to processing your emotions surrounding the event.
- Service – Many people find that they actually do better if they are able to help others in the community. For some this means finding a way to support others who have suffered the same type of loss, whether through volunteering, donating, or simply sharing their story when appropriate to help and validate others.
- Narrative development – It’s your life, it is your authentic story. Taking a good look at your life trajectory before and after your trauma can help you appreciate your strength and courage as you forge ahead with your life after loss.
In a world full of tragedy and loss, we all try to find a way to live in light, love and connection. Sometimes the darkness can overshadow our spirits, but if we can hang on tight, we just might find the road to transformational growth. Here at Full Circle, we wish that for all those who suffer today, hoping that you find your blue skies ahead one day through post traumatic growth.