By Karen Kennedy, MSW
Storytelling is one of our most ancient forms of communication. I have had the privilege of bearing witness to many people’s stories of grief. Of losing a loved one unexpectedly and tragically. Of sorrow and pain. Of love and deep longing. Of guilt. Of sadness peppered with humor. Of shock and confusion. Of trauma. Of shame and blame. Of conflicting emotions. Of pride.
Each story is as unique as our fingertips. Each story shares a personal account of people and events and it is part of the evolution of the story teller. So, what is the importance of storytelling as it relates to grief? It is an important piece for many as they move through their grief journey.
Stories of love and grief acknowledge the loss. They are evidence of a life lived and a life lost. Stories help grievers hear their own reality and begin to accept the new life they are in without their loved one. Stories are a way for people to connect with others; to be able to feel supported and to give support to others. When someone shares about their loved one, they often feel less isolated. This is particularly true when they are in a safe space with people who understand their grief and the nature of their loss.
Oftentimes, people are teary when sharing about their person; this type of experience can lead to a release of emotions. Sharing a loved one’s life with another is a way to honor and remember your loved one. Many people I speak with want to say the name of their loved one as much as they can, and they appreciate hearing others say their name as well. They don’t want their loved one to be forgotten.
Storytelling also can be a form of documenting the past and present as not to forget. Sharing a loved one’s legacy is a gift to others. I have heard from many people who have attended peer support groups that they felt deep connection and empathy towards each member as they learned each other’s story of loss. Additionally, they felt less alone and validated in their grief.
We can all agree that the person I am sitting with, listening to their story of loss, isn’t the same person they were prior to their loved ones death. They are a changed person on a path they wouldn’t necessarily have expected nor chosen.
There are two grief stories here. A before and an after. The before story most likely would include details about the relationship they had with their loved one. It would include experiences and feelings. Important events and defining points of their physical life together.
The other story includes the aftermath of their loss. Their grief. What life looks like now. The way the world has changed for them as a result of their loss. Their new relationship with their loved one and much, much, more. Two very different yet important narratives.
It doesn’t matter how your story evolves or what shape it takes. Find someone to share it with, and if you can’t, give me a call and I will listen.